imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
