my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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