There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
