I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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