i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
