His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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