I wannas sexs uuuuu
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
