fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
