and you said cock pushups were impossible
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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