1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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