No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
