Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
