Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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