OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
