after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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