Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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