I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
