Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
