I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
