Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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