I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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