Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
