Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
