I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
