i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This is my gift to your gina
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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