i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
