Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
