remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
