I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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