we made out on top of his cat.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
