Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
