Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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