So drunk, too bad you don't want this
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
