we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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