Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize