I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
