She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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