Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
