Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
