I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
