my sisters under your porch take her home
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
