I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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