When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
