You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Randomize
