well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
