the new term for farting is butt boxing.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
