If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
