is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
