I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
