I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
