I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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