I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
