what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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