My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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