Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
