Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
we're so committed to being not committed
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
