dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
