There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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