It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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