Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize