This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I smell stomach acid.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
