On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
