Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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