I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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