How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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