HIV tests are more positive than that guy
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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