I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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