you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
