Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
