If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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