ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We are two peas in an std pod
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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