Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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