her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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