Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
