Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
