Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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